I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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