It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
