Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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