no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
