the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
