sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
