I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
