Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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