Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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