he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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