She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
