So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
