Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
