Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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