worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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