I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
