That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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