apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Houston, we have a squirter
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
