Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
