508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
