Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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