It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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