I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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