I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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