saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
