There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
