someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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