I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
