Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
