I swear god or herbie drove my car home
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
