you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize