You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
