i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
