Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
