never play flip cup with pint glasses
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
