She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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