Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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