We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize