I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
