I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize