"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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