Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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