I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
