The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize