Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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