I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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