wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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