I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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