This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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