I murdered the dance floor call the cops
wakey wakey hands off snakey
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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