dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
