Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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