In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
