If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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