my sisters under your porch take her home
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
