No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize