a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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