I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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