I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
