i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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