Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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