the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
