I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
