I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
